How the boss of the Beckhams’ favourite restaurant is turning the tables on infuriating diners – by reviewing or banning THEM

Ever since the dawn of the online restaurant review, customers have had the upper hand. Waiting too long for a drink? Stuck in the corner near the loo? Tiny portions fit for a mouse? A one-star rating and a few pithy comments puts the eatery in its place.

But now the tables are turning. Meet Chris D’Sylva, the owner of Dorian in Notting Hill, west London – reportedly David Beckham’s favourite restaurant – who grew so tired of uppity customers that he now reviews them.

This isn’t just blacklisting – though D’Sylva certainly does that – but a sophisticated behind-the-scenes system to record guests’ behaviour and rank them accordingly. 

The result is a loyalty scheme that is not visible to the customer but determines how they’re treated.

‘Everything gets marked,’ says D’Sylva, who opened the high-end bistro in 2022. ‘Good behaviours and not favourable behaviours get noted on the system on the booking, especially after the sitting.

‘It’s a tiered system whereby we rank how much we like the customer and the value of the customer, or the destructiveness of the customer. It’s just like any sales business does.’

So what lowers your ranking?

Any hint of ‘entitled’ behaviour, says D’Sylva. Asking to move tables; cancelling a booking (in fact you can’t cancel a table at Dorian less than a week in advance); threatening to write a bad review; asking for a freebie in exchange for a review or even a mention on social media – and anything else which D’Sylva identifies as ‘problematic’. Indeed, most of that behaviour will get you chucked out altogether.

‘I’ve bounced loads of customers before they’ve even eaten,’ says D’Sylva with some relish.

He adds: ‘I’ve just recognised they’re problematic, asked them to leave, and they’re in shock, bewildered, their jaws drop. It’s anyone who’s rude to us. We don’t do entitled. We don’t do the Mayfair crowd.

‘When people complain about tables, I say, ‘Every seat’s a good seat and if you don’t like this one, you can leave. Actually, you know what? You are leaving.’

‘It’s these people who think they have a voice. They try to extort you, threaten to write bad reviews if they don’t get their way. We just don’t yield to those threats.’

What if a bad review is dropped online? ‘We just ignore all of them,’ he says. ‘We’ve never replied.’

But is this a justified fightback or arrogant contempt for punters who are spending upwards of £100 a head?