I’m in my anti people-pleaser era: how both Victoria Beckham and I found freedom at 50
Perfection is overrated. Rosie Green on the mind magic that happens when you hit half a century
Victoria Beckham just told Harper’s Bazaar: “I woke up at 50, and I gave a s**t less.”
Yes V.B.! Welcome to the zero f***s club. I’m so glad you’re embracing your strong woman era. That you’ve got to the age and stage where you are rejecting people pleasing and perfectionism. I’m here too and it’s excellent.
Victoria Beckham told Harper’s Bazaar: “I woke up at 50, and I gave a s**t less”… and Rosie Green agrees!
When I met V.B. a few years ago she struck me as someone who cared. A lot. I think, like many of us born in the 70s, she absorbed the subliminal messaging that a desirable woman is one who has it all under control. Who is perfection personified, always striving to achieve near impossible levels of grooming, household management and motherhood.
A woman who is liked, kind, soft and malleable. A woman who makes everyone else feel comfortable, is grateful for her lot and doesn’t challenge authority. Someone who bats back compliments and undersells her achievements so as not to make anyone else feel less than. Oh and subordinates her own needs for others.
It has taken me a long time to unpick those behaviours in myself and work out just how much they were limiting me.
Let’s take being a perfectionist. Victoria Beckham confesses she is one. It’s obvious that she exacts serious control over her brands and personal image. Both require next level dedication. For the latter, it’s about daily exercise, a very strict diet (she laughed recently that sake wine is the only carb she countenances). Her home looks immaculate with perfect fires roaring in the grate and extreme levels of tidiness (David trims the candle wicks every night before bed!).
